sometimes i dont know

ok so what i gamble away 60 dollars i could had used.

why does stupid shit like this make me soo damn mad. there are worst things to be pissed off about.

ive spent $60 on food. thats worst and technically i left with more than i originally anticipated.

am i depressed. i want to finish school. and i miss my china bear. god i miss her. is that it? i cant let go of her death or my grandmothers for that matter. or is it because my brother left? what is wrong?

i want an ipod. so many people do without these luxuries 60 bucks, expensive food, bikes ipods family members etc.

journalism is hard and i want to be lazy. but music always makes me feel better.

i think i still have feelings for elmes. but i need to stay away. ugh halloween is practically here and no tengo a costume.

ugh and i have a f-ing ticket... my phone biil is 60 + 60 victorias secret. y que mas

my moms birthday tuesday. i need money blah blah

calvin harris should be fun. maybe i should take a sleeping pill. i hope my cheque is 300 fuck i wish is was 500 so i can live

scion day tuesday.

every damn day of my life is busy. when will this stop or get better.
if i move does that mean im running away from my problems?

where is the light in my tunnel?

whoa

whoa a lot going...

right now just got into an arguement with my manager... a real one.

anywho YAY!

first thing is first....
i graduated ... woo hoo

ok and then there was The Electric Daisy Carnival 2010.
wow ... i seriously had little to no faith in what i was about to experience.... what a massive foce of Unity. really... when i attended i felt like i was apart of a great existence. Kaskade blew the house off... by far the most memorable... Coachella was SICK dont get me wrong but being in a stadium with 180,000 people changes you. Above and Beyond's show was jsut the most aquatic and peaceful movement i experienced in a while. I was so lost in their music i ending up just listening instead of watching... they made me want to see them again. Hands Down Electric Daisy Carnival was great. The Rabbit Hole. DO IT.
Lil Jon didnt need to be there.... he only created animosity. People wanted to be amongst their friend and for some family. Closing the stadium isnt the solution. The MAJORITY go for the music. Closing the stages only hurts the fans and people that are really going for the show... the stadium with fences creates a barrier between everyone. however being in the stands... oh man love take s place baby... i was there... light shows and lovers and peace barriers... we all happeb to meet by a beautiful event. Trule i a Dynasty- thank you Kaskade, Deadmau5, Above and Beyond (u are truly a blessing), Armin Van Burren, Dirty South, everyone artist and performer... for bring us together.
Thank you Gaurds for being chill.... you guys give us a sense a peace.

<333 more to come

Peace and Love...

ugh and my manager is still a jerk!

naughty naughty

went out last night....

it was kind of like one of those things i believed would only happen in my wildest dreams. i cant tell you how many time i have dream of him. how many times we've been alone in a room and i want to tell him.... geezus you're it. but i dont. i hold my tongue. it wasnt my turn or place. so i gave up. made the mistake well not mistake... made the decision to move on and when the time came.. go with it.
well last night it was his turn and we went all the way. i thought i blew it. i thought why would he? yet im no more into him than i was a week ago.. at least thats what it seems like now... anywho mr.gorgeous was such a sweetheart. different from his normal... alcohol inspired? quite possibly but! i think hes been wanting to make the move. "i think you're beautiful" is what he told me. and that is so cheesy but exactly what i wanted to hear. his body is amazing and so is he. i cant stop thinking about his face. and seeing him smile at me as he walked away. he kissed me , he apologized, and then he kissed me again and said good night. if i could go back id do something differently. i wouldnt be wasted and i would rock his world. i dont even relaly rememeber what was going on. he made me break one of my only rules but i dont regret it. i lived. what do you want i said? "surprise me" wow. i want to feel guilty but i dont. i really dont ive been wanting him for so long everything else doesnt matter.
how to have it happen again is the question but even if not once was good enough but it could have been better. im down for seconds. he is just soo damn hott. but until then i hope things are cool between us, it looks like it is. its just going to be hard to not imagine him the way he was that night.
-until then

things i want to blog about

pop culture: raves, drinking in a reccession, electronic music, reality TV TMZ, Kardashians, Biggest Loser (why i think this is popular), Girls Next Door. Sushi Facebook twitter followers etc

how i feel: school work friends love life

current issues: health care, congress

hot guys> yes or no?

this was my day. i had to cry for a sec

i cant take the pressure i dont want to learn anything else except foreign languages id rather be in L.A doing wayy too many drugs than to be sober feeling depressed

my fuckin ATM card broke, my grandmoter who i was super close to- her birthday is in 4 days and i need her here ... and shes not :'( and she wont be

i dont know where my life is going or who's going to be there.... i dont think i legitimately have any friends like real friends

i hate living at home and my aunt is moving in so my life is going to shatter within a week i know it.... we dont have space at my house... everyone is always arguing and they think im fucked up for being mad

AGH!

thats just the surface

and the fact that id rather be on more than one drug at the same time instead of leading a sober life is an issue that i cant even confront because im fucking sober right now

besides the 1500 grams of excedrin in my body