fuck pms

sometimes its hard to draw the line between pms and bipolar disorder. then its more confsuing whydoes my moo drop because i can't watch tv or because i can't answer one fcking question on a freaking class exercise like who gives a fuck what am i 12? things that would normally be easy to me are so difficult. I become so angry because some says i have fun talking to you, after we just were arguing. like wtf does that mean? i seriously think everyone around has super big fucking problems and then i turn the gun on my ownself and think i have the biggest fuckign problem. first i want a boyfriend but there are no boys that satisfy me. like theyre fuckign stupidand have no indviduality. i dont want to talk to my best friends because i feel angry at them too and im not. i dont know why i feel this way. its like im in a long hallway and never reach an exit. there are open doors with necesities for me to keep going on this endless journey i cant even recall the beginning. maybe life is moving too fast. or maybe im not going anywhere. the hallway is just some vicious circle with lit rooms and not lit rooms. all i want to do is listen to mellowdramatic music and watch tv. i dont even want to be in my bed. id rather be on the couch. up and down up and down.over here over there. and lately i've been feeling it become more frequent. im so unsatissfied with myself and i've actually little reason to be. i guess. i need notebooks and to read my hw but thats not too dissatisfying. it wasnt even a really bad day. im just so tired of talking and participating in societal charades. conventional small talk, smiles to avoid rudeness, daily errans to the same instituitons making money to spend money, spending my money to buy temporary happiness, grown men acting lke oblivious children, feeding into my non addictive cravings for 15 minute altered state. meaningless things. they say you cant run from your problems, or yourself- its true. So where do you go for a change. what's next? im just so tired of it all. would i be happy if she was still here? god i miss you. good night china bear.