SO as far as House Music goes these are the essentials:

TrV$DJAM- Coachella Mix
Jefferey Tonessen- A New York Move
Afro Jack- How I like it
Fedde Le Grand Vs Ida Corr- Let me Think ABout it
Tiesto F/CC- Escape Me
DeadMau5 ft kaskade- I Remember
Kaskade- Move For Me
La Riots- Remixes Vol 1
Calvin Harris DeadMau5 edit- Im not alone
Steve Aoki- Pillowface and His Airplane Chronicles
Bad Romance- Chew Fu H1N1
DeadMau5- Strobe, Brazil(2nd edt), So there i was, Faxing Berlin
Bloody Beat Roots- Warp 1.9
Chuckie- Let the Bass Kick

Sometimes i feel like god can hear me.

i ask for a miracle and i get one in the least expecting way and the most unexpected time. I'm constantly praying for help when help is behind me. Its not that i can't its that i want to give up and everything is telling me not to. I want to quit or think i've reached the edge of the cliff, and right before i'm about to jump someone grabs my hand. it's like my angel is always watching. I make sacrifices in order to vindicate my weakness. I don't understand but i do understand. It so much pressure to continue when the only thing that can possible come in the way of my success is me.
i feel like everything is so hard. it's so painful to do simple things but it's just that giving up is so much easier. why? why am i so hard on myself, why can't i just do it. Its not hard, everyone does it. People are in law school. I studying fucking writing and communications. Why am i so alone? and then im not. And just when i think i'm as alone as 23 yr girl from CA in the middle of north jersey in a silent college library, someone walks up to me and says "it's not the bad, i can help you" and they don't even know who I am, or what the problem is. I have every answer to the test yet im determined to fail because i can't hold a pencil. These are all just excuses of a pathetic reality.
then as soon as i get some hope of clarity so asshole comes and sits next to me and starts a fucking group project instead of getting a freaking study room.

##storyofmylife

fuck pms

sometimes its hard to draw the line between pms and bipolar disorder. then its more confsuing whydoes my moo drop because i can't watch tv or because i can't answer one fcking question on a freaking class exercise like who gives a fuck what am i 12? things that would normally be easy to me are so difficult. I become so angry because some says i have fun talking to you, after we just were arguing. like wtf does that mean? i seriously think everyone around has super big fucking problems and then i turn the gun on my ownself and think i have the biggest fuckign problem. first i want a boyfriend but there are no boys that satisfy me. like theyre fuckign stupidand have no indviduality. i dont want to talk to my best friends because i feel angry at them too and im not. i dont know why i feel this way. its like im in a long hallway and never reach an exit. there are open doors with necesities for me to keep going on this endless journey i cant even recall the beginning. maybe life is moving too fast. or maybe im not going anywhere. the hallway is just some vicious circle with lit rooms and not lit rooms. all i want to do is listen to mellowdramatic music and watch tv. i dont even want to be in my bed. id rather be on the couch. up and down up and down.over here over there. and lately i've been feeling it become more frequent. im so unsatissfied with myself and i've actually little reason to be. i guess. i need notebooks and to read my hw but thats not too dissatisfying. it wasnt even a really bad day. im just so tired of talking and participating in societal charades. conventional small talk, smiles to avoid rudeness, daily errans to the same instituitons making money to spend money, spending my money to buy temporary happiness, grown men acting lke oblivious children, feeding into my non addictive cravings for 15 minute altered state. meaningless things. they say you cant run from your problems, or yourself- its true. So where do you go for a change. what's next? im just so tired of it all. would i be happy if she was still here? god i miss you. good night china bear.

phase 3

so i got into a car accident btw always im losing my mind surely when it comes to writing on this thing. (#2 Listening to Robbie Rivera Juicy Ibiza 2011. so far amazing)
ugh so i got into an accident. i have a meeting with the dean tomorrow and i've been bartending in NY but it seems a little sketchy. Well not sketchy sketchy but just awkward. agh my dad just called and wants me to pick him and his gf from the pier.... dont see it happening after i was rear ended
. come back l8tr
oh Kayne West and Jay z Watch The throne review coming.... 4 stars!

what you dont know

is i want to kiis you.

she will NEVER NEVER NEVER be able to replace me and although my heart rejoices i mourn at a lost.

diffrent coast=different folks. jersey i love it. humbleness with a neighborhood, california always down for the get down and yet willing to support a friend in need.
i love people and hate people. i love my friends,diversity, getting things i want, and good company.

umm you make me sick.

its that seeing you everyday hurts or maybe 2am just seems like a lonelier hour.

phase 2

whaaaat just happened?? wait did he just txt me? ugh i have to throw up. hey interent blog site. ok good. sometime i think im insane. agh he makes me into a sick person.


what id be asking a real person?





WHAT DO I DO. i almost have never felt so torn. i hope im drunk which is a real thought that i think is pathetic that id even wish to use that as an excuse. what is he doing to me? is ok for me to ask him?


truth is he text me and i anwsered within minutes.


ugh immediately i hated that i even anwsered him. i tried to trick myself into believing... well i had to check who the fuck that even was. D..o......n't even.... thi... Who the f... fuck. i actually thought about "everytime i try to grasp for air i just know this despair is never over over"


ook back to the story.


i actually was like uuuh then it was him.. whhat?





bk so i answered him "?" what? what is it? was that a mistake. but it didnt mater. i texted him again. -whats up hott stuff? better yet. talk to me. ah does this mean i really did love him?





best friend? do i need rec onfirmation ugh meagan go to sleep and ignore everything. everything. gawd. he works me up into naseousness.





hhmm. he text me back "where are you?"





what does he want cause for some reason i think we have different ideas. did hr text me because he was ddrunk? like what? ugh im 15 minutes away. like DOESNT HE KNOW THAT.





-breathe- but i was was on the fwy finishing my day. not thinking about him idk if i just want to remember my emotions, talk, go to sleep, or just act like this never happened but ill keep writing.





wherever i was i wasn't thinking about him and now i am. "tomorrow night?" what the fuck does that mean. i say... "what if i just want to fall asleep with ou and watch the god father?"





"i know but my mom is here".... wow are we talking?





damn lol i called him drandma like a drunksie but idk he text me back.





good night beautiful.





be sad cause its over or smile because it happened?





i dont know. if it did happen, i know that i cross his mind. just like he crossed mine.





DON'T GO BACK TO HIM MEAGAN. is waht Brenda knows... said*!!! but she doesn't know what its like. she found her forever. and i feel like he's mine. but i deserve so much more.





what is the attention? the selfishness?? the reassurance that im still here when HE wants. idk ahhgh this hurts. i dont know what to do. i feel like i cant find the anwsers anywhere. i feel like my heart is telling me don't give up but i logically need to seperate myself from him. or keep getting hurt. how can i make him love me?? i cant and its even disgusting to even THNK about that. but i just cant stop. its the way i feel next to him. i want to cry. stop


stop


stop.


alright alright slow down.


either way i know he can't make me happy. i have to make and do what makes me happy.

hell ya blogger saved my draft. thanks boo ;)

"i dont even know if you deserve me, but in the morning sky who wants to be alone?"

break break down

so fell in love.
well i don't know if i was "in love" since it was mostly me. As a disclaimer i was fairly warned to stay away and many other girls had frequented that territory and all were left in the dust. I fell for him the second i got here. I knew it would happen like i know other things are going to happen. I said jeez i hope i dont move to jersey and fall in love or something. Me fall in love? ya right- those days are over. (god i hope in 2 years im not thinking of him on a day like this...unless things have changed) And then i did. He kissed me and made me smile and wasn't afraid to get into me. I loved him and then i pushed him away by being crazy and something i wish i could have taken back but whether the outcome would have been different i doubt it. Us breaking up was inevitable which ~there in lies the problem. I dont truly believe we were ever meant to last but my heart tells me that love isn't easy and whether he really is the one i don't know but when is enough enough when do i not fight or hold on? like someone who has really had their heart broken before should tell me. He said things to me like "i like you soooo much" and "wait for me." + more things " if things were this way, it'd be easier" " i want to spend more time with you" and

of course the ultimate. i said tell me something i was to hear he looked me in the eyes and said "i want to go on vacation with you" whether he was drunk or sober talking it didn't matter i swallowed every sip of his lies. or were they lies? i feel like ill never know and maybe thats what keeps me hanging on to him. FUCK. i hate this i keep saying the feeling that i cant getting over him. the feeling that i know we had nothing and hes an asshole idiot who i can easily pass over has my heart for this short time being and I CANT LET GO. and all i want to do is move on. but i love him. WHY? the truth is. i loved fitting perfectly in his arms at 1 am. And i loved falling asleep with him watching The Godfather and The patriot. I loved the way his slightly grown in hair felt as i ran my fingers across his chest. I miss his slightly odorless body and his deep brown eyes. Its like he is standing right in front of me. i can almost feel his arms around my shoulders. SFBS. I loved believing that we'd be together although i knew that it was incredibly unlikely to happen.

but the reality is. i never knew anything. I never knew what he was doing outside of work. I didn't know if he REALLY liked me cause hardly showed it. I didn't know if he wanted to see other people because he didn't tell me. I didn't know if we were just sleeping together because that didn't happen as much as it could have either. I don't know if he's already over it or if he hates getting my texts that tell him he's still on my mind.

part of me doesn't care if he knows how much he means to me because it makes me feel better that he knows how i feel. part of me doesnt want him to know i fell for his tricks like puppet. but i know that this isn't going to stop me or my dreams and its probably better this way, me not being with him but my fuck this hurts and i would have like to have done both. I know i deserve better. I know that people going through years of marraige and then one day wake up and find that the person they love deosn't love them anymore and someone is left having to start over.
its comforting to know that im not the only one that has felt this way. I just want in to stop or i want him to change his mind.

BUT then what? what if someone really great is going to come around later. what if he wasn't it and its just the devil trying to break me. well im sure thats it but still dammit this sucks. all i want to do is be with im. when and where it doesn't matter. i was so into i would have done anything for him- does he know that and why didn't that matter. why couldnt he have lied to me just a little bit longer. Does he love someone else? ugh. I can't take it. Even seeing him pay attention to somone else makes me sick. I was actually overwhelmed when him and randomB* were playing around. This is sick and i feel disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen.

i want him away away away. well Vegas is coming shortly and the ultimate party trip with my friends and im hoping that will make a difference and within a month he won't even be on my mind. But i know that every now and then... he'll cross it but i pray i have the stregnth to let him do just that... cross and keep going.

ugh fuck

lame.

so im leaving to new york to venture off do something new, some different. get my shit together. and im leaving in approximately 13 days. You would think my friends would totally want to be there and throw a going away for me. negative... its up for discussion its immediately veto-ed and someone who i would have never asked to be there. everyone who i didnt ask to be there was automatically offereing a hand. It is always like this. I am always the fucking exclusion to the rule. but only with strangers am i an exception. My old friends never good enough for them to go out of my way for them but its justified. I hate feeling like there are all of these conditions of friendship. Maybe i'm just old fashion. To me honestly it feels like a best man or a made of honor not throwing a bachelor party or a bridal shower. I dont know unconsciously i just feel ignored. but overall im totally content with the situation. My friend Nick was totally chill about it and was more than happy. I don't know its ok i'm just bothered and i wish it was always an issue. Like im totally not even in it. like 13 days doesn't even matter

FMFL. not always bad....

ugh i love this podcast Zoltar Subterranean 413. get it-





so i lad a long day and its almost hard to let it out right now but the good part is Zoltar is stripping the stress...



ok prep talk heard.



so everthing around me is maturing most importantly my self. right now i fill like im more aware of steps i need to take to achieve my goals. However with the planning of an upcoming vacation as of the 21st of this month i've become super stressed.



my day started off really long :/



1.pick up money from __ (i hope everyone gets their shyt to me on time)



2.go to the bank to get my acct # (this sounds like a good choice)



3.get my tires checked (so f*ing happy its omw to my house cause if it isnt im going to keep driving...f* just stop)



4.Call the RCcourts see wtf is up with my ticket



5.shower- take a little longer



6.money is in the acct. (thank you God)



7.Talk to the BF (uuugghh i have some much to do but w/e i guess i can multi task)



8.Hhhm Hotels,Hotels, more hotels



9.Have to go to L.A visit my grandparents. Have to. Don't forget your phone charger



9.5 Break into my house after i left to get my phone charger and house key :/



10. Call Courts... Op.#1 well that payment didnt go through SO THE NUMBER YOU HAVE TO CALL...-sorry i need to grab a pen... "call ended"



11.Call Mom . omw



12.Call courts.. "please hold for the next available agent.. your call will be anwsered in the order it was recieved. there are 19 callers ahead of you."



13. Op# 2 WHAT IS YOUR NAME ok call ... .2. .9.. ask for -. ... .2. .9.. "is the___" Op#3 No let me transfer you! Op#3 Noo this is the Victims office Op#4 this is the D.A - i dont have affiliation with the courts. -wait.... i but you're the D.A office...can you anwser a question for me? -i dont track fines all i can give you is the #to the court ...hmm well then transfer me to victims which transfered me to you. can you trasfer me back to them? -No mmm- ok bye



14. Another battle with the courts but i get through it and cough up extra $ but i made it.



...whew even thinking about im exhausted.



15.Make it to Grandpas spend time with him





drive back... stop at a back

sometimes i dont know

ok so what i gamble away 60 dollars i could had used.

why does stupid shit like this make me soo damn mad. there are worst things to be pissed off about.

ive spent $60 on food. thats worst and technically i left with more than i originally anticipated.

am i depressed. i want to finish school. and i miss my china bear. god i miss her. is that it? i cant let go of her death or my grandmothers for that matter. or is it because my brother left? what is wrong?

i want an ipod. so many people do without these luxuries 60 bucks, expensive food, bikes ipods family members etc.

journalism is hard and i want to be lazy. but music always makes me feel better.

i think i still have feelings for elmes. but i need to stay away. ugh halloween is practically here and no tengo a costume.

ugh and i have a f-ing ticket... my phone biil is 60 + 60 victorias secret. y que mas

my moms birthday tuesday. i need money blah blah

calvin harris should be fun. maybe i should take a sleeping pill. i hope my cheque is 300 fuck i wish is was 500 so i can live

scion day tuesday.

every damn day of my life is busy. when will this stop or get better.
if i move does that mean im running away from my problems?

where is the light in my tunnel?

whoa

whoa a lot going...

right now just got into an arguement with my manager... a real one.

anywho YAY!

first thing is first....
i graduated ... woo hoo

ok and then there was The Electric Daisy Carnival 2010.
wow ... i seriously had little to no faith in what i was about to experience.... what a massive foce of Unity. really... when i attended i felt like i was apart of a great existence. Kaskade blew the house off... by far the most memorable... Coachella was SICK dont get me wrong but being in a stadium with 180,000 people changes you. Above and Beyond's show was jsut the most aquatic and peaceful movement i experienced in a while. I was so lost in their music i ending up just listening instead of watching... they made me want to see them again. Hands Down Electric Daisy Carnival was great. The Rabbit Hole. DO IT.
Lil Jon didnt need to be there.... he only created animosity. People wanted to be amongst their friend and for some family. Closing the stadium isnt the solution. The MAJORITY go for the music. Closing the stages only hurts the fans and people that are really going for the show... the stadium with fences creates a barrier between everyone. however being in the stands... oh man love take s place baby... i was there... light shows and lovers and peace barriers... we all happeb to meet by a beautiful event. Trule i a Dynasty- thank you Kaskade, Deadmau5, Above and Beyond (u are truly a blessing), Armin Van Burren, Dirty South, everyone artist and performer... for bring us together.
Thank you Gaurds for being chill.... you guys give us a sense a peace.

<333 more to come

Peace and Love...

ugh and my manager is still a jerk!

naughty naughty

went out last night....

it was kind of like one of those things i believed would only happen in my wildest dreams. i cant tell you how many time i have dream of him. how many times we've been alone in a room and i want to tell him.... geezus you're it. but i dont. i hold my tongue. it wasnt my turn or place. so i gave up. made the mistake well not mistake... made the decision to move on and when the time came.. go with it.
well last night it was his turn and we went all the way. i thought i blew it. i thought why would he? yet im no more into him than i was a week ago.. at least thats what it seems like now... anywho mr.gorgeous was such a sweetheart. different from his normal... alcohol inspired? quite possibly but! i think hes been wanting to make the move. "i think you're beautiful" is what he told me. and that is so cheesy but exactly what i wanted to hear. his body is amazing and so is he. i cant stop thinking about his face. and seeing him smile at me as he walked away. he kissed me , he apologized, and then he kissed me again and said good night. if i could go back id do something differently. i wouldnt be wasted and i would rock his world. i dont even relaly rememeber what was going on. he made me break one of my only rules but i dont regret it. i lived. what do you want i said? "surprise me" wow. i want to feel guilty but i dont. i really dont ive been wanting him for so long everything else doesnt matter.
how to have it happen again is the question but even if not once was good enough but it could have been better. im down for seconds. he is just soo damn hott. but until then i hope things are cool between us, it looks like it is. its just going to be hard to not imagine him the way he was that night.
-until then

things i want to blog about

pop culture: raves, drinking in a reccession, electronic music, reality TV TMZ, Kardashians, Biggest Loser (why i think this is popular), Girls Next Door. Sushi Facebook twitter followers etc

how i feel: school work friends love life

current issues: health care, congress

hot guys> yes or no?

this was my day. i had to cry for a sec

i cant take the pressure i dont want to learn anything else except foreign languages id rather be in L.A doing wayy too many drugs than to be sober feeling depressed

my fuckin ATM card broke, my grandmoter who i was super close to- her birthday is in 4 days and i need her here ... and shes not :'( and she wont be

i dont know where my life is going or who's going to be there.... i dont think i legitimately have any friends like real friends

i hate living at home and my aunt is moving in so my life is going to shatter within a week i know it.... we dont have space at my house... everyone is always arguing and they think im fucked up for being mad

AGH!

thats just the surface

and the fact that id rather be on more than one drug at the same time instead of leading a sober life is an issue that i cant even confront because im fucking sober right now

besides the 1500 grams of excedrin in my body

Retreat of the Helheim Glacier, Greenland

Retreat of the Helheim Glacier, Greenland
effects of global warming and the loss of glaciers.
"our generation may be the last to see a glacier" -Dr. Michael Abrams, Scientist for Nasa

sorry meagan your breakdown will have to wait

why did you leave me? what am i doing here? did you really see me graduate? do you watch me struggle and wish you were here? i do. i wish you were here. i wish you were here. i wish you were here for me. i wish you were here to make things easier. i wish you were here so you could tell me what to do. i wish you here to help. i wish you were here to see me. i wish you were here to see cynnamon, kevin, morgan, mom, haroldeen, rita, steven, and aunt lousie. we had a family reunion- i wish you were there. i wish you didnt leave. i wish you'd come back for me. i don't want to be here anymore. i dont want to live here anymore. its too hard. everyone is mean and they dont understand me. to be honest i wish you were here so could have a friend. i wish you were here so i could talk to you. i dont know whats going on anymore. i dont know where my life is going. im supposed to apply to colleges this month. i dont know what to do. im honestly scared about starting college. i don't feel ready. i feel ready to get out but not ready to begin. i dont feel like im smart enough to go on.i dont feel like there's space in my brain and heart to go on. its all just so much. i dont even know what i want to do with my life. i dont even know if i want to life. i cant handle it. i cant handle everything changing. my life is so hard to me. waking up is exhausting, eating is a burden, school is overwhelming, work is crucifying. im just so tired of living. my dad and i are arguing because i need him but we cant "effectively communicate." I cant talk to him about anything because every time we talk im being disrespectful and making false assumption. he says he cant take my disrespect. disrespect to my father is breathing in the same room as him. his disrespect is saying i dont know. his disrespect is saying "dad i cant take this". i say thank you for your time he says dont patronize me. i says "dad i need help" he says for what. i just want to yell i dont want to live anymore. my mom is so off with out you. she needs you. she needed you. were all in bad boats. she doesn want to be married to this fool anymore but she cant move. i saw shayla my old nieghbor. she works for the same company as me. i remember you both being at my birthday parties. gawd i feel like for the amount of tears pouring out of my eyes i should have a real crisis. some kind of devastating event. maybe it is maybe this is mourning. maybe this is loss i feel for you. i wish you were here. i just want to stop being depressed. i just want my life to be easy. i just want to be smart enough to do my math hw. i just want to work in an accepting enviornment. i just want to come home and be abe to do my hw. i want to be able to afford lunch at school. i want to be able to drive w/o getting a ticket. i want to see my brother be succesful. i want to be able to call you. i want to feel appreciated. i want to be able to get my h.w done my 10 and i want to wake up at 9. i want to be able to excercise. i want to make it. i want the 80s to come back. i dont want everyone to rely on technology. at the same time i want my laptop to work. i want cynnnamon to comeback. i want to be be able to talk to my parents. i want my mom to turn it down- she doesnt need to be so loud. i just want to breathe. tell me how... tell me how to get through this. everyday i need 35 hours to get things done and yet there's only 24. i dont think i meant for this place. everyone is so mean. people are crazy. when did everything get so complicated. why cant everyone be generous and understanding. why was life easier when i was 12? why is ignorance bliss? why must the show go on? why do i have to always smile when there are tears coming out of my heart? why did you leave me? when are you coming back? i need you here. i wish you were here.
meagan
raggity ann and andy

Blink 182/TBS/ Weezer : Rock Show

Last night at 9:39 i was in the middle of a punk crowd.

Blink 182 played a bitchen show. They played with Weezer and TBS.. i missed TBS which i was pissed. my friend couldnt decide what to wear... we wasted like an hour just to go with the original outfit. anyways no biggie ill see tbs again i always do. Weezer was tight, they were way surprising got the jucies flowing. Island in the Sun was a tight performance. Perfect Situation was another fav. I got so mcuh good video i cant wait to actually edit and make it. I think i want to send it to Blink/Weezer. Supposedly Asher Roth played, i kinda wish i saw him. No spilled Milk. Blink 182 open with dumpweed and the crowd went insane. It was the fastest starting mosh pit i have probably ever been in. It started and people were just flying to the front (crowd surfing). Blink was overly excited haha and suprised. The crowd was one of the best crowds... they were moshing got a little crazy- i fell on the ground along with like 17 other people but it was all good. It was pretty mellow besides the crazy parts. I crowd surfed i think to Damnit i think or Rock show, First date... something like that. lol I had the best time. I think i fell in love with Mark Hoppus. He is soo beautiful, youthful, angelic, and sexy and OMG his voice makes my heart race everytime i think about it. i cant wait to go to another show. seriously. Blink played one of the best shows ever. I am in love. They played " use me holly cmon and use me, the air is so cold and numb IM feellin this, i feel in love with a girl at the rock show, Lets go Dont wait this one's almost over, if a stupid poem could fix this home id read it everyday, ill smile and you'll wave we'll pretend its ok, its too late to save me- youre too late,- your too late; im so sick of fights i hate this cmon on let me hold you feel you always." just the best concert ever the best energy the most love. i missed Blink. I still miss Blink. i didnt want it to end. i really didnt. Travis did a special for Dj Am he did a drumb solo harnested to hsi drums on a seperate platform- He rose above the crowd on his stage and rotated while drumb to AM. It was really moving and completely surreal. He is the best drummer i have ever seen/heard/ and met. Blink ended the Show with Damnit and got the Crowd really going. They say their coming back soon so i cant wait. I LOVE YOU BLINK 182, WEEzer, and TBS you should all play together again and add Green Day up in that. I LOVE MARK HoPPus!
BLINK ME
-Mk

i still love you

i love her. i still do. its strange in the way that i love things that remind me her clothes, scents, jokes, and songs. I knew it and i know it. i don't think ill ever get over her. its kind of like falling in love for the first time. She's beautiful. she taught me how to laugh, feel, and trust. She taught me style, class, and culture. She broke my heart and ruined my world. I recovered but not fully. If she asked me too i would do it all over again. nothing special. just another chance. maybe id treat her like i was afraid of losing her. id show her it was worth it. that we, me, us is worth it. friends? i would settle for. ..going to sleep... more later. good night. call me
<33Mk
-what you dont know

im over my friends.

my friends suck. how do you tell yoru friends you dont want to be their friend?? seriously everytime i hang out with them i want to tell them we need some space. they make me mad ugh they make me mad. they're careless, selfish, ill mannered, they make me want to throw up. I play the passive aggressive card but im so sick of it. Everytime i give them every oppurtunity to not be dumb and it feels like im dissapointed everytime. although everyone gets on my nerves 3 of my friends. My first friend hmmm she is so empty. nothing makes the girl happy, besides guys. guys guys guys. these guys she has to throw herself at them and then they dont even respond. she's pretty but has no emotion so they dont give her time. she will put her friends in dangerous situations, especially me. She will call guys over to my car in a parking structure at 2 in the am and promise them company.egh she doesnt ever wash her hands after she uses the bathroom. omg. she drinks til she lacks control and relies on me as a good friend to mantain repsonsibility. Most of my friends rely on me for keeping responsibility. Why? Why can't i be the one getting trashed? We used to have good times but then She got caught up in boyfriend drama which destroyed her. She never laughs or smiles with any truth. girl friends are not good enough for her. Ugh same friend different charactersitic- she'll invite me places but really have a guy showing up to meet her. wtf is that? she wont even tell me. why the drag along if you really have another alternative. year by year the quality of friends gets worse. i hate that- secrest agendas. friend 2 mr.too little too late. this guy this guy ugh i thouhgt just hooking up with him would be cool but once again, when you hook up with guys things become weird. at first everything was cool, everything was normal. something happened him and another friend (later revealed) started over doing it. he wants to pay for like my $1 burrito? im like its cool he starts having a fit, i get confused. he started wrestling with me after i told him i didnt want to be touched. why would he do that? why would he literally put me in a headlock as im telling him to let me go. he has gotten soooooooooooo weird. he started like 4 months ago. he started doing weird stuff. like bitting me to the point of pain on my face? why? who does this? what is he trying to do? or hugs- he'lll squeeze me until my back is literally cracking? he makes everthying difficult. forget trying to get directions. goodness. i dont get it. he was going to ask me on a vday dinner or some shit idek. he told my coworker of this gran plan to take me to my favorite place in victoria gardens...which is already stange but the stranger thing is he never told me. which was ultimately for the better but why tell everyone else? now you look dumb cause people are asking me how the date when and i say what date? and whats with biting? why are you bitting me? why do physically hurt me? thats not cute or attractive. why say just kidding after you do it? ummm here's a bite for your neck you didnt ask for it but let me say just kidding after i do it because somehow that will void the pain. eww. ugh and he talks about snacks like he just won the lottery. not fat but still get over the cookies, pasta, and burgers fantasy. and he drinks like a fish. all guys can drink but i dont think i have ever met anyone besides my stepfather who can drink in those amounts. AGHHH he is just not for me, no self control. friend #3 the hardest to shake. she has no awareness of the consequence of her actions. its like everytime im at a party she spills her drink on me. AGHHHH a year later im still getting drink spilled on me. She's not doing anything with her life. she relies on other people for transportantion money and responsibility. she has no identity. she uses an outside voice all the time. She can not keep a secret. Also lately she's been acting weird too like she tries to excite me or something with this fake Barney entusiasm " Hey Meagan hows your day?" with they fakest smile and battering eyelashes like im a damn vegetable. its so weird. everytime shes like " HEEEEYYYY!!!" sometimes its after we've already seen each other. Its the most nongenuine greeting. egh. is there some kind of awkward mood flu going on. she's willing to take or try anything or anyone as long as its free. She will talk about anyone and point out every flaw. she hates on people who are comfortable with themselves. and she doesnt even know the definition on metabolism, appetite, suppressant, or amoxicilan and she's 20. all these thngs ANNOY ME. she has an attitutde when i have a different view or oppinion. She finds reasons to argue with me all the time So why is she my friend. If i annoy them as much as they claim i do why do that talk to me. why dont we both just stop talking to each other. she spills her drink on me then puts her nasty sticky hands in my hair and on my face. she has no class and is too dependent. im so sick of it. last friend we're not that close but we reside close to each other. she is one of those NOSEY people. nosey nosey. she is deteremind that me and mr.#2 should be together its like her goal. there also seem to be a group of unconnected women that feel they've been appointed as matchmaker. she's one of them. she also is sooooo loud and always has some sarcastic shit to say and you dont even have to be talking to her. she will give her whole opinion on a subject that wasnt adressed to her. she is also a self inviter but the first one to call it a night.

i want them to back off.